19 Comments
author

Thank you so much Hannah. I have tried to find my prompt-provider as part of the research and you were one of the possible candidates. Until after reading some of your info I discovered your age wasn't a match. This is such a surprising way to find new and unexpected connections. Little bit of your bio crept into this story anyway.....

Expand full comment

Bertus, this was such a harrowing and emotional read. This whole project was about empathy, and I really felt this mother's pain, longing, sadness, anxiety, and love. You captured her spirit in such a beautiful way, all while telling an unfortunately, and all to common, story of displacement. I felt like I was on that journey with her.

Expand full comment

This is devastatingly beautiful. Just wow. I have to sit with this a while. Amazing storytelling, Bertus. I was right there. Her anxiety was my anxiety, but so was the love. ❤️

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Demian...what a great compliment to get! Wasn't an easy perspective for me. Never having been to the America's, I was worried about getting the vibe right and making stupid mistakes that would give me away. I really enjoyed having to stretch my skills....

Expand full comment

This is a beautifully told story. The narrator's voice is spare and feels natural, not "writerly" which allows the reader to disappear into the action which needs no embellishment. You created an entire novel from the seed of the prompt. Great work!

Expand full comment
author

Thank you so much, what a great compliment to get. Just saw your video and the advice on lifting colleagues is so very worth cultivating. The encouragement I have gotten here these last few months had a very real impact on my voice....

Been contemplating to propose some mutual editing with writers I feel are in a similar space....hope I can join the call tonight.

Great work Ben! Maybe make it a group effort to spread the load next time.....

Expand full comment

"We avoid people. Seldom stop during the day. And I see the fuel gauge dropping to a quarter. We do sanitary stops, stretch our legs for half an hour. Once we swim in a lake. Mostly to not feel so dirty. Nerve wracking to be away from the car." There are great psychological details throughout. This paragraph jumped out in particular. The complex relationship between a parent and a child emerging into adulthood -- the growing space between then -- is captured really well.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Adam, yes that growing gap...the necessity to step back and admire them for who they are becoming.

I wanted to convey the paradox of leaving home and going home in one and the same movement. Which is a bit like parents (on their way out) and kids (on their way in). Lauren here, is right in the middle.

I hope I haven't upset the prompt writer by making the theme too heavy....

Expand full comment

That was like watching a film. I could see this as a novel.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Jo, that film feeling is what I am looking for when writing.....glad you experienced it too.

Expand full comment

What a great story, Bertus! Truly inspiring and well written.

The deceptive 'transgenderinglike' beginning quickly transforming into a harrowing journey of refugees, with several heart-beat-skipping twists and turns... You are truly taking the reader with you on this flightbynight escape of Lauren and Miguel. Both are such lovable characters!

And I love the ending: “Not a school. Just a place to learn who they are….” 💗🙏

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Veronika, I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. Such a great experience to participate in Ben Wakeman's prompt exchange, I had to restrain myself to not join this month's round because I'm up to my ears into writing the new novel....

Expand full comment

I looked at Ben's prompt exchange project (it's how I got to the link to your piece)

Sounds like great fun, and you have certainly done a fantastic job. Unfortunately, I'm not a 'short story writer', otherwise I might try it too.

May the creative daimons give you wings to make your new novel fly 💕 🪶

Expand full comment
author

Haha, me neither. Was one of my first shorts, and had great trouble to stay within the word limit.....

Expand full comment

I can relate. Whatever I start seems to want to grow big... well you've certainly done an excellent job.

Expand full comment

Goodness, I really loved this. I felt such a variety of emotions. Great job, truly. I would like the next chapter, please 😄

Expand full comment
author

Thank you, it did feel to me too like there is more to this story....

Expand full comment

This took me in such an unexpected direction, and I was hooked.

Expand full comment

Marvelous, gripping story. It felt epic and cinematic. The mother’s love for both her son and father, the visceral immediacy of her memories. Her son is such a fine young man, I have no doubt that even in what are clearly very trying times, he will serve and tend the remaining good in humanity.

Expand full comment