Bertus, this was beautiful. And surprising; was not expecting your commitment to learn to sing midway through reading. I got emotional too.
Your early grasp of nuance and specificity having only just started is quite exceptional. those are all essential things I learned along the way but never vocalized in writing, let alone thought.
As someone who started singing at 40 and am now singing out in public along with my guitar, I know exactly how empowering your commitment is. And one of the unexpected treasures that resulted for me is that I got to watch as my wife was inspired to challenge her own deep-seated childhood blocks around not being able to sing.
There isn’t much more powerful than breath imbued with emotion. Or vice versa
Oh, thank you. This is the kind of response I hoped for. Something really clicked into place with doing the silly exercises meant to relax the voice and then singing comfortably within my range. I remembered how much I loved to imitate voices as a kid up to around ten years or so. My voice dropped early and dramatically. And I never realised how impactful that must have been.
There must be a correlation between the state of the world and the amount of honest singing being done....
Your own voice, the most natural form of expression, and it takes 50+ years to get into the groove... I think many creatives will relate to this. Because our creative voice is not just the sound that comes out of our mouth when engaging the vocal chords. It can be our 'writing voice' or any other form of creative expression ~ which for most of us has been suppressed from an early age.
This must be your moment. The moment for your voice to express yourself.
I've been reminded of our conversation about 'synkairosity' yesterday.
I think it is thanks to you that I now look differently at this kind of trauma. It made me look at the things uncomfortable to me in stead of always expanding on the preferred activities. I know I only just started addressing this, but the released emotional energy is revealing. I cry a lot, to say it simply.
Have been feeling stuck these last months. But I know it is of the volcano type. I recognise the build up by now. And yes I do feel I am ready in several ways to allow my truth to roll of the tongue. And somewhere in the back of my mind is this tiny feeling that it might be connected to your work in some way....
I don't know if you're the hugging type, but you get one anyway, (insert long bear hug here)
sounds like stuff bubbling up... that's what happens when you give it space.
No wonder really. The voice that has been waiting for so long to sing your own tune... when tears come there is always a good reason (and a precious gift stirring to reveal itself)
I loved everything about this essay Bertus. Your honest inquiry and self-reflection is “perfection as maximized tension.” I feel it as I read it!
“The only real perfect is maximised tension. It is making the rough part of the smooth. It is making what is difficult to fit in, right at home in the context. Discovering how it belongs.” Just brilliant.
I’m thoroughly enjoying catching up on Bertus today.😉
Thank you Kim, if it wasn't forbidden to have favourite commenters I would put you at the top of that list. I read so many of your remarks on such a wide range of Substackers, and they are always warm and genuine. You are the best reader anyone can wish for.
Great post, thanks Bertus. It's a genuinely uplifting experience to read an honest and insightful account of the human journey. I resonate with many things you say. Not least Logon:70 from The Gospel of Thomas, (a driving force in my life for at least a couple of decades) and I tally very much with your comments immediately below the quote.
Voice ... Ah. Now there's a killer-shame-scary endeavour. I didn't realise there might be 'voice-coaches' on youtube; I'll check that out. Meanwhile I 'sing' only on my own in the van driving from A to B. - it often turns into screaming; in fact that's how it started off 30 years ago driving to my college job - I sometimes arrived too hoarse to deliver my lectures properly. It was a fairly blunt sign I was "in the wrong film" - and various demons had to be faced, and big changes made.
I relate 'having a voice' to the Thomas quote somewhat metaphorically, bringing out that which is within. For me it's sculptures, weaving, dome-structures, piano (sort of), poetry ... etc. But my voice itself. It's one of those things that I deep down know I have to do -- but have procrastinated because immediately so much fear comes up around it - even when no-one else is in earshot. How weird is that? And yet a sign how important too, no doubt.
I stand with you on your courageous journey. All the best, Josh.
Beautiful post Bertus! And you are right about how writing often starts with oneself and ends with the world, it is a pattern I had not consciously recognised before, but it is very apparent now - it is as if we feel compelled, that what we explore personally must have relevance 'out there' but honestly out there is so multifaceted, and it could all be a just a dream, a manifestation of Source or God or what ever we call it. In learning about collapse trajectory I pushed that notion away as just spiritual bypassing for a long while, but have returned to it now, and it's a blessed relief. There are many moments as I explore death that this inkling gets stronger, that life is a dream of God, and it makes it more prescious. It was fascinating to read your process with the apps you explored and how that unfolded so quickly. Very inspiring and I am curious to take a look too now. I also know what you described with Jacob Collier, and I think there is actually a word for it, or a phrase, but I don't know what it is, but one that describes what happens in the moments after a group of people have been singing together and they stop and the silence is so full and so electrifying or potent, that is brings goosebumps and a great sense of togetherness. I love that moment and often wish it would last longer before someone spoke. Finally, I had watched the doco you linked to, We are the world, and really enjoyed it and will check out the Sweedish film too. So glad to be back in your orbit and excited to know where this journey takes you!
Thank you Renaee, yes a dream of god...seeing beyond the solidity makes it all more precious in stead of less....
I was thinking of doing a follow up with the practical stuff of learning to sing. Because it is very down to earth and downright ridiculous....lip trilling your way through All Of Me...
A few years back I looked into those voice-liberation courses, but backed away from them because I felt the experience could re-traumatise as much as liberate. We have such a weird relationship with singing now. It is so tied with performance, celebrity, talent and specialness...I now just want to be me. And lean into whatever kind of 'ugly' comes out. It's what I tried to teach in my art workshops. Now it's my turn to learn.....
Yes I know what you mean re celebrity culture and things like “america’s got talent’ it just makes you want to barf! I am so glad though that now you do want to go past that and find your voice, and I would love to learn about these practical tips to - bringing in humour and silliness to it is just the ticket I reckon. But it does touch on the sublime or divine as well, I have to thank you again for the most wonderful part of my day, it was just half an hour ago actually. I played the song by JacobC Little Blue for the family, I was not aware but Andrew was sobbing at the end, and said it was about the most beautiful thing he had ever heard or seen, it touched me so much that he enjoyed it as much as I did, it was the third listen for me today, I was just enchanted. His voice really does soar up to heaven. But also Lee and her ‘friend’ were unable to let that vulnerability in, they just kind of said - yeah cool, it was really great, then went back to their room. Too much authenticity and beauty is hard to let in at that age :-(.
Haha, my son finds Jacob 'booorinng' and is annoyed by the way he wriggles his hands when directing the choir....
Besides it being amazingly beautiful, it is harmonically way up there with the very best. The guitar he plays is a re-invention, new tuning, and just five strings that makes the complex arrangement playable only by him... but I do get he is not everyone's cuppa.
I hope you can handle the swedish spoken, subtitled film...I think you will enjoy it.
Thank you Joshua, working yourself to a sore throat in the car. I know that one. I think you will like the approach of Chris Liepe, one of the online voice coaches.... I found that the relaxation exercises had an immediate effect. Just feeling what a relaxed voice feels like opened up space in me. Simply recognising when I go into tension and then have some means of switching between these modes is massive....also while just talking. I have been sneaking in some melody into conversations, and using my voice more consciously made it more lively.
If Portugal weren't such a crazy long drive, I would probably stop by to meet up, curious about your builds and hearing more of your story. And maybe I will anyway....
Many thanks Joan. This is just what I need. You'll be happy to hear Stjepan also suggested I should write Mick's story as a book. Ah, should I live so long!
Bertus, this was beautiful. And surprising; was not expecting your commitment to learn to sing midway through reading. I got emotional too.
Your early grasp of nuance and specificity having only just started is quite exceptional. those are all essential things I learned along the way but never vocalized in writing, let alone thought.
As someone who started singing at 40 and am now singing out in public along with my guitar, I know exactly how empowering your commitment is. And one of the unexpected treasures that resulted for me is that I got to watch as my wife was inspired to challenge her own deep-seated childhood blocks around not being able to sing.
There isn’t much more powerful than breath imbued with emotion. Or vice versa
Oh, thank you. This is the kind of response I hoped for. Something really clicked into place with doing the silly exercises meant to relax the voice and then singing comfortably within my range. I remembered how much I loved to imitate voices as a kid up to around ten years or so. My voice dropped early and dramatically. And I never realised how impactful that must have been.
There must be a correlation between the state of the world and the amount of honest singing being done....
Great post, Bertus!
Your own voice, the most natural form of expression, and it takes 50+ years to get into the groove... I think many creatives will relate to this. Because our creative voice is not just the sound that comes out of our mouth when engaging the vocal chords. It can be our 'writing voice' or any other form of creative expression ~ which for most of us has been suppressed from an early age.
This must be your moment. The moment for your voice to express yourself.
I've been reminded of our conversation about 'synkairosity' yesterday.
Maybe this is it?
To your voice 🥂
I think it is thanks to you that I now look differently at this kind of trauma. It made me look at the things uncomfortable to me in stead of always expanding on the preferred activities. I know I only just started addressing this, but the released emotional energy is revealing. I cry a lot, to say it simply.
Have been feeling stuck these last months. But I know it is of the volcano type. I recognise the build up by now. And yes I do feel I am ready in several ways to allow my truth to roll of the tongue. And somewhere in the back of my mind is this tiny feeling that it might be connected to your work in some way....
I don't know if you're the hugging type, but you get one anyway, (insert long bear hug here)
Thank you Veronika.
sounds like stuff bubbling up... that's what happens when you give it space.
No wonder really. The voice that has been waiting for so long to sing your own tune... when tears come there is always a good reason (and a precious gift stirring to reveal itself)
bear hug gratefully accepted! 💗
Big hugs back to you
I loved everything about this essay Bertus. Your honest inquiry and self-reflection is “perfection as maximized tension.” I feel it as I read it!
“The only real perfect is maximised tension. It is making the rough part of the smooth. It is making what is difficult to fit in, right at home in the context. Discovering how it belongs.” Just brilliant.
I’m thoroughly enjoying catching up on Bertus today.😉
Thank you Kim, if it wasn't forbidden to have favourite commenters I would put you at the top of that list. I read so many of your remarks on such a wide range of Substackers, and they are always warm and genuine. You are the best reader anyone can wish for.
Great post, thanks Bertus. It's a genuinely uplifting experience to read an honest and insightful account of the human journey. I resonate with many things you say. Not least Logon:70 from The Gospel of Thomas, (a driving force in my life for at least a couple of decades) and I tally very much with your comments immediately below the quote.
Voice ... Ah. Now there's a killer-shame-scary endeavour. I didn't realise there might be 'voice-coaches' on youtube; I'll check that out. Meanwhile I 'sing' only on my own in the van driving from A to B. - it often turns into screaming; in fact that's how it started off 30 years ago driving to my college job - I sometimes arrived too hoarse to deliver my lectures properly. It was a fairly blunt sign I was "in the wrong film" - and various demons had to be faced, and big changes made.
I relate 'having a voice' to the Thomas quote somewhat metaphorically, bringing out that which is within. For me it's sculptures, weaving, dome-structures, piano (sort of), poetry ... etc. But my voice itself. It's one of those things that I deep down know I have to do -- but have procrastinated because immediately so much fear comes up around it - even when no-one else is in earshot. How weird is that? And yet a sign how important too, no doubt.
I stand with you on your courageous journey. All the best, Josh.
Beautiful post Bertus! And you are right about how writing often starts with oneself and ends with the world, it is a pattern I had not consciously recognised before, but it is very apparent now - it is as if we feel compelled, that what we explore personally must have relevance 'out there' but honestly out there is so multifaceted, and it could all be a just a dream, a manifestation of Source or God or what ever we call it. In learning about collapse trajectory I pushed that notion away as just spiritual bypassing for a long while, but have returned to it now, and it's a blessed relief. There are many moments as I explore death that this inkling gets stronger, that life is a dream of God, and it makes it more prescious. It was fascinating to read your process with the apps you explored and how that unfolded so quickly. Very inspiring and I am curious to take a look too now. I also know what you described with Jacob Collier, and I think there is actually a word for it, or a phrase, but I don't know what it is, but one that describes what happens in the moments after a group of people have been singing together and they stop and the silence is so full and so electrifying or potent, that is brings goosebumps and a great sense of togetherness. I love that moment and often wish it would last longer before someone spoke. Finally, I had watched the doco you linked to, We are the world, and really enjoyed it and will check out the Sweedish film too. So glad to be back in your orbit and excited to know where this journey takes you!
Thank you Renaee, yes a dream of god...seeing beyond the solidity makes it all more precious in stead of less....
I was thinking of doing a follow up with the practical stuff of learning to sing. Because it is very down to earth and downright ridiculous....lip trilling your way through All Of Me...
A few years back I looked into those voice-liberation courses, but backed away from them because I felt the experience could re-traumatise as much as liberate. We have such a weird relationship with singing now. It is so tied with performance, celebrity, talent and specialness...I now just want to be me. And lean into whatever kind of 'ugly' comes out. It's what I tried to teach in my art workshops. Now it's my turn to learn.....
Yes I know what you mean re celebrity culture and things like “america’s got talent’ it just makes you want to barf! I am so glad though that now you do want to go past that and find your voice, and I would love to learn about these practical tips to - bringing in humour and silliness to it is just the ticket I reckon. But it does touch on the sublime or divine as well, I have to thank you again for the most wonderful part of my day, it was just half an hour ago actually. I played the song by JacobC Little Blue for the family, I was not aware but Andrew was sobbing at the end, and said it was about the most beautiful thing he had ever heard or seen, it touched me so much that he enjoyed it as much as I did, it was the third listen for me today, I was just enchanted. His voice really does soar up to heaven. But also Lee and her ‘friend’ were unable to let that vulnerability in, they just kind of said - yeah cool, it was really great, then went back to their room. Too much authenticity and beauty is hard to let in at that age :-(.
Haha, my son finds Jacob 'booorinng' and is annoyed by the way he wriggles his hands when directing the choir....
Besides it being amazingly beautiful, it is harmonically way up there with the very best. The guitar he plays is a re-invention, new tuning, and just five strings that makes the complex arrangement playable only by him... but I do get he is not everyone's cuppa.
I hope you can handle the swedish spoken, subtitled film...I think you will enjoy it.
Just finished watching movie - loved it! goodnight ;-)
Thank you Joshua, working yourself to a sore throat in the car. I know that one. I think you will like the approach of Chris Liepe, one of the online voice coaches.... I found that the relaxation exercises had an immediate effect. Just feeling what a relaxed voice feels like opened up space in me. Simply recognising when I go into tension and then have some means of switching between these modes is massive....also while just talking. I have been sneaking in some melody into conversations, and using my voice more consciously made it more lively.
If Portugal weren't such a crazy long drive, I would probably stop by to meet up, curious about your builds and hearing more of your story. And maybe I will anyway....
Many thanks Joan. This is just what I need. You'll be happy to hear Stjepan also suggested I should write Mick's story as a book. Ah, should I live so long!
I don't think your comment has landed in the right stack, Frederick....it meandered
Mea culpa. Sorry, that's what happens when an old man tries to multitask while on a cellphone. Please delete if possible.